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Esther Altshul Helfgott: The Homeless One |
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Compass Center (206) 461-7835 77 South Washington St., Seattle, WA 98104 $1.50 lunch or dinner; some free meals; showers, clothing.
Genevieve Ellen didn't come yesterday. Maybe today, though I'll be gone from 3 p.m. until after dinner. Penny is meowing. I've given her a lunch of Fancy Feast but have to fix her litter box when I come home.
Esther Voices tell Crysta exactly what to do. They interfere with walking up a flight of stairs. They tell her where to place, first, this foot, then, that. When washing dishes, they tell her: Scrub that spot. Wash over there. You have to watch your every movement, she says, have to think about everything you re doing or you won t get it right.
Crysta I have to talk myself through it so I get it right.
Esther What would happen if you didn't get it right?
Genevieve One time when I bought a copy of Real Change, the homeless news, I asked the vendor if he knew Ellen. He said: Oh, yes, a man in the neighborhood gives her $1 each day. So I think she has a beat, and I think she s a pretty good actress. On it goes. With Christmas coming, how can I be hard hearted? 9 Seattle Indian Center http://insideshare.hypermart.net/meals.html 329-8700; 611 12th Ave. S. Seattle, WA 98144 Lunch M-F 11:45 a.m.-12:45 p.m. Native Americans and neighborhood residents only.
Temple DeHirsch Sinai seeks volunteers to spend one night a month at its Women's Shelter. Call June, 425-869-7010.
Crysta I couldn't walk up the stairs, couldn't wash the dishes, couldn't complete what for most people is a simple mechanical act. I smoke because nicotine helps take away the voices. I know people don't like it and I worry about the cigarette smell. I wash my clothes, my coats all the time, but I have to smoke. Even with the cancer. I used to smoke five packs a day. Now I'm down to three.
Esther Once she was up to seven packs of cigarettes a day. My chest hurts just thinking about it.
National Resource Center on Homelessness and Mental Illness 252 Delaware Ave. Delmar, NY 12054 800-444-7415 email: nrc@prainc.com
Esther When the voices start and talk about something other than what you're doing, what happens?
Crysta They interfere with me, tell me to do the opposite of what I'm trying to do. I have to be especially careful of safety things, have to watch to make myself put cigarettes out, have to watch myself carefully, can't stop watching. 10 Esther Where do the voices come from? How do they get in your head?
Crysta They aren't in my head. They're outside my head. If they were in my head, they'd be like the voices in everyone else's head.
Esther I don't understand. I thought you heard voices.
Crysta I do hear voices, Esther, but the voices come from outside my head. The voices inside my head are just like the voices in everybody else's head.
Esther You mean like when I think something to myself and maybe argue with myself?
Crysta Yes, I have those kinds of voices, too.
Esther You mean normal everyday voices?
Crysta Yes, the other voices, those outside my head, come from places outside me. Like I will hear a voice outside my window, but I know it s not real because I live on the twelfth floor.
Esther You imagine a voice is out there?
Crysta 11 Esther How does that work? You said it wasn't real.
Crysta It's not real, like the real inside my head. But the voice outside the window is real.
Esther How did it get there?
Crysta The government. Mind control. Brain waves. ESP. I don't know, but they're there, always bothering me.
Esther Are there good and bad voices, or just bad?
Crysta The voices are bad. Why else would the government put them there? I haven't heard good voices for a long time. I didn't hear voices before I joined the marines That's how I know it s a government plot. They're out to get me.
Esther Who, specifically, is out to get you?
Crysta The FBI, the CIA, the doctors.
Genevieve Ellen came Christmas Day at 2 p.m. I gave her the usual $3 and wished her Merry Christmas. She thanked me and patted my shoulder. I patted her back. 12 Esther I wonder about Ellen s voices, who the creep represents.
Genevieve She came this morning at 9:30 just as I was having my oatmeal. I gave her the $3. She thanked me and grinned. Said: You dear soul!
Esther Madeline DeFrees poetry workshop at Richard Hugo House: She gives an assignment on birds. I know nothing of birds but write this:
Neologisms of an Ornithologist in a Quiet Room
Curled like a bird in its mother s nest the patient lies on a cot mumbling: Roomboom quietroom. Boobyhatch my egrets regrets. Magpie, tell Wagatail: strap me to swallowlegs. Blue-throated doc butcherbirds my brains again and again. Nutcracker nurse nightjars my back. Sniper trail's me. Yellow-bellied sapsucker twists. Oh, my arms pintail my sage. Oh, girl, whippoorwilling girl. Swallow me. Let the wren. Let the quail, swallow me.
Genevieve Ellen came for the second time yesterday, 8:15 p.m. I was coming home from dinner with my cousin, Kathy. I said to Ellen: You already came today, but I gave her the last $3 I had in my desk drawer and cautioned her to keep warm. 13 Esther Did she sleep in a shelter those bitter cold nights? The city asks for donations of blankets so people can sleep outside, instead of opening buildings. It doesn't make sense.
SHARE, acronym for Seattle Housing And Resource Effort, is a group of homeless and formerly homeless men and women working together in a self-managed system of shelters and other resources. Our long-term goal is to end homelessness.
Esther When she s really scared - when the FBI is after her or the doctors are putting her in restraints she wears combat boots and carries a hammer. Otherwise, her attire is outdoorsy rather than military. For protection, she hides an umbrella in her pack.
WHEEL Women's Housing Equality and Enhancement League, a grassroots empowerment organization of homeless and formerly homeless women, allied with SHARE, focusing on the problems of homeless women.
Anitra L. Freeman, Wheel Contact Person WHEEL's goals give voice and leadership to homeless women to organize campaigns around increased services and safety for homeless women, and to develop and support self-managed shelters. (There is now, in 1998, one self-managed shelter for women only; another may reopen soon.) 14 Esther Dear Anitra, What does WHEEL do about homeless women who are mentally ill? I know of a woman who won't go to shelters. She wants to be free. She won't take her medication, goes house to house asking for money. She suffers from schizophrenia but doesn't want to see doctors. How does one help?
Anitra That's one nobody has a complete answer to, Esther. The Access Project, in which case workers go out to places where homeless people are (including under the viaducts) to reach those who need services (instead of sitting in offices and waiting for them to walk in), has helped many. We need more of that.
Genevieve New Year s Eve, 1998 Ellen came today at 2:30. I gave her five $1 bills. She thanked me and grinned broadly. I hope she doesn't think I've upped the ante for next year. 15 Anitra We need more flexible services, including safe and clean encampments for those who cannot, or will not, come indoors; yet, where, at least, contact can begin. We need to demand better accountability from health services, including mental health services, because, currently, it is very sane to distrust doctors and if we want vulnerable people to trust their lives to someone, we'd better be a lot more certain that someone is trustworthy.
Esther Elliot Liebow's Tell Them Who I Am: The Lives of Homeless Women. Free Press, 1993: shows what many refuse to know: that not all homeless people suffer from schizophrenia or other types of mental illness
Anitra We need to rebuild our human community so that every person's instinctive reaction is to help even a little bit, and not to shy away. But there are many people for whom all we can do, yet, is help a little bit; give them some kindness, give them some dignity, and acknowledge that we are not perfect we can't cure everyone, we can't fix everything. It hurts. But it is better to live with pain than to live without caring. And someday ...
Genevieve New Year s Day, 1999 Ellen hasn t struck yet. I have a $5 bill awaiting her. 16 Orion Youth Service Center http://insideshare.hypermart.net/meals.html 1020 Virginia, Seattle, WA 98101 Hot meals Mon-Fri at noon and 6 p.m. Age 19 and under.
Genevieve Ellen came New Year s day at 2:45. She accepted $5 with Happy New Year ! exchange. On Saturday, the 2nd, she came at 4 pm for $3. At 8 pm. I handed her $1, but that didn't satisfy her. So I gave her another 2, protesting. I managed to smile, and she departed.
City of Seattle Office of the Mayor March 5,1999 Dear Esther Altshul Helfgott: Thank you for your E-mail concerning additional assistance for homeless people. I am pleased to let you know that there are outreach workers who utilize vans and other means to reach out to homeless people on the streets. These outreach workers are employees of community nonprofit agencies. They try to make contact with homeless people who are living outside or in makeshift encampments and encourage them to utilize our community s shelters and low-income housing. These outreach workers are unheralded champions of our community who make a big difference in the lives of the people they help. Again, I appreciate knowing of your support for these efforts. Very truly yours, PAUL SCHELL
Genevieve She didn't come yesterday. Maybe she will desist for a few days. I'm off to the Co-op to buy instant oatmeal, and a copy of Real Change. My friend Isabel Dickens who is Charles Dickens great granddaughter (times four) is on the publication board of Real Change. Isn t that a strange coincidence? 17
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